-By Erwin Romulo (The Philippine Star, www.philstar.com)
MANILA, Philippines - "You may now take over.” With those words, spoken by Guadencio Cardinal
Rosales, the ceremony was concluded. And with that, my brother Roman was married to Shalani Soledad at the St. Benedict Church in Sta. Rosa, Laguna. At that moment, the flashes from all the cameras lit the newlywed couple.
Roman looked very happy. In fact, he hasn’t looked this happy in a very long time. In fact, the only time that I recall that he was this happy would be the time he scored a goal during a penalty shootout back in high school. I can’t remember the exact circumstances but he really looked happy at that moment, the moment right after the ball sailed past the goalie and hit the net. That was a long time ago.
When he won his first and second terms as Pasig congressman, he also looked very happy but he looked exhausted as well. He showed no signs of exhaustion now.
The subject of his age was a recurring gag throughout the night. Bishop Mylo Hubert C. Vergara mentioned it during his homily. My fellow groomsmen, George Lorenzana, Congressmen Anton Lagdameo and Rudy Fariñas all seated beside me, couldn’t help but chuckle at the little joke made at the groom’s expense. It made even the taciturn-looking Cardinal Rosales smile for the very first time that evening. (He smiled several times after.) For our family and a lot of his friends — most especially Gang Badoy, groomsman Dan Soliven (who introduced Roman to Shalani), and best man Jun Cabangon — that joke’s been going on for far longer. Too long it seems, so that the punch-line, if it ever came, one wondered, would any of us be around or have any energy left to even recognize it enough to even cackle? The mother of the bride, Evelyn, joined in and reminded Roman during her speech at the reception that “You’re already 44.”
Throughout all these years, if there’s anything I know about Roman, he’s no slouch and he doesn’t shy away from a challenge. Like when he worked for the reversal of the death sentence of an inmate who many considered a lost cause. He hadn’t passed the bar exams yet but was already doing some work at a law firm. He went to visit his “client” almost every day, did the paper work, and eventually got the sentence reversed in the Supreme Court.
My brother always has been the quiet and determined type, the one who clearly knows what he wants, and can narrow his focus to that thing until he gets it. He’s kind of boring that way. Maybe that’s why he’s remained single all these years.
Shalani doesn’t strike me as being a slouch either. What many don’t see is that she’s got an acute intelligence and intense interest in subjects she’s passionate about. If she doesn’t seem to be the excitable type to a lot of people, then I guess it’s just because they haven’t engaged her in any topic that demands that kind of attention.
I had never met her before and only learned of their engagement because Gang sent me a text message telling me that I was going to have a sister-in-law. A few weeks earlier, I got a text message from Shawn Yao, a close friend of mine who works as a news anchor at TV5, that Roman was at the station in Novaliches and apparently there for Shalani. To be honest, it didn’t interest me enough to spend a peso for me to send a message back. I didn’t think it was a big deal. The only time it became clear it was going to be was when it hit the news. Jonty Cruz, the web editor at the magazine I work at, Esquire Philippines, rushed to my desk when our features editor, Audrey Carpio, told him about it. She had read it on Spot.ph.
“I had nothing to do with it,” I said.
It was actually Roman’s baptismal godfather (now also for his wedding), Foreign Affairs Secretary Albert del Rosario, that first mentioned to Roman that he should “meet Shalani.” To quote my dad, Roman “took the advice to heart and didn’t stop until he had achieved his goal.” Stubborn and obstinate as he is at times, Roman is smart. He knows and recognizes the wisdom of others, especially that of his godfather’s. (All of us siblings wanted to ask Sec. del Rosario to stand as godfather to our weddings and were always rebuffed by Roman, who claimed him as “reserved” for his own.)
Yet Shalani is a serious-minded person but not a ponderous and tiring one. In conversation, she has the knack of being able to discuss weighty matters like her initiatives for her hometown of Valenzuela (which is coincidentally named after my mom’s grandfather, Dr. Pio Valenzuela) as well as national and international issues especially those that involve the country without the rehearsed intonation of a traditional politician. She looks you in the eye when she talks and one cannot help noting that they are not mirrors of feigned interest but pools of knowledge.
She engages all of us in the family, most especially my dad, in discussion. “She’s a really warm person,” my dad once told me. “You can feel that she’s listening and thinking about what you’re saying.” My dad had been warned early on in his career by his uncle and mentor, General Carlos P. Romulo, that it’s important not only to say something but also to have something, really, to say. “Lolo Carlos used to tell me never to be afraid to speak but to make sure that I had something up here,” he’d tell us, gesturing towards his head. “When Shalani talks, even if it be only sparingly, she really has something to say.”
When Roman and Shalani’s engagement was first announced, I sent her a St. Jude novena booklet and a note that said that I was praying that they be given enough silence for their love to flourish. The next time she came for dinner at my parents’ house she sat beside me and thanked me. She told me that was also a devotee of St. Jude and thanked me for the gift. It was then we talked about a number of things but not the wedding itself: the news, politics and music (she had gone to school with Nathan Azarcon, who was the bassist of Rivermaya, Bamboo, and now Hijo albeit a few batches lower). I didn’t ask about her and Roman, or the particulars of their relationship. That’s theirs and, true to my prayer, I wouldn’t trespass on that aspect of their lives.
Her mother became emotional during her speech. “I have to accept that you must have your own life,” she said to Shalani during a particularly poignant moment. during a particularly poignant moment.
“You need a husband. Besides, you’re already 31.”
“It’s difficult to let go of the princess of the family.”
During the reception, her uncle, Ramon Soledad, told me personally to take care of Shalani. He had walked her down the aisle to Roman and my father, and I could see it was not an easy task for him to do. He said that they have looked after her all these years and that she’s meant so much to all of them but it was time for them to let go.
I assured him then that we would. I wish I told him that it wasn’t so much Shalani joining our family but rather our two families joining together. I wasn’t able to then, so I’m taking the opportunity here.
As we ate the dinner prepared by Florabel Yatco-Co, to the peculiar strains of an orchestral medley of Eraserheads’ songs, the best man offered a toast to those who couldn’t be with us that night, referring to Roman’s best friend and our brother-in-law, Dave Puyat, who passed away in 2010. My brother had confided that it was the only dark spot in the otherwise clear, bright joy of the day. “Dave would have really enjoyed this.” He was right and I agree with Jun that, wherever Dave was, he was clearly enjoying seeing Roman finally settled.
To expound on a part of my dad’s speech that he didn’t say (he thought it was already too long and people were hungry), this was an occasion celebrating love and family, and those things are what essentially gives life its meaning and value.
Fireworks shot up and lit up the night sky. Everyone watched and I can imagine they all smiled. It was the eve of the Chinese New Year after all. Yet the fireworks were exploding with the color of something more than the New Year. They may seem fleeting in the context of the sky but their lights illuminate an eternity for those who seek and find more than night. In Shalani, Roman has finally found that out for himself.